My name is Shirley. I am a single 40 year old mother with an eight year old daughter who I truly adore. I don't know whether I will receive help, but I hear to just vent sometimes relieves the underlining stress. You see, 7 and 1/2 years ago, I was diagnosis with a terminal illness which eventually the doctors say I will die from, but I have faith in God and all of his miracles. I was diagnosis with Primary Pulmonary Hypertension. Now the doctors told me some seven plus years ago that I had one year to live, but I'm still here. I was also told that this disease affect one out of every 10 women, how lucky could I have been to be one of the few to receive such a blessing. At first I took it hard as I had just had my daughter and I could not understand why my God would take me out of her life so soon as I thought to myself that I would not get the chance to see all of her first events. This in itself gave me hope. You see at this time, the doctors told me that this disease was a very expensive disease. I thought nothing of this as I was a working mother (Social Worker) with insurance which I thought would cover the expenses, but it did not. Subconciously, I thought that all of my life, I have been helping families and their children survive far worst abuse and neglect in their lives which I loved and still love to do. I'm still working, but I found out that this was not enough. The depression came on, the denial, and the stuffing began. I had to find money where ever I could. I have had to refinance my home three times, and had to even refinance my car. It was the best decision at the time, but the worst in the long run in my efforts to pay off my bills. Now I'm $125,000.00 in debt. I have to use over extended credit cards to pay for gas to get back and forward to work. I live from pay check to pay check with no money left over at the end of the month. I've asked for help from my family, but they have put me on some pedastal because I was always the one who was level headed and managed money the best. They still don't believe how expensive this disease is. The medicine I have to have cost some $5,000 -10,000 dollars a month. Because of my debt, I can't provide for my daughter the way she needs to be. You see she always tell me that God is with us and is going to take care of us. I believe it, truly do. But I was told by my father that it was okay to ask for help. But it seems that no matter how much help I ask for, it always leads to a dead end. You know, I've never taken my daughter on vacation. I have to work everyday, so that I can earn travel money to help take care of my monthly bills. I just can't do it by myself anymore. I've asked daughter's father to be a part of her life, but he want. She's hurting so, and there is nothing that I can do. I want to retire from work so that I can spend time with her, but I can't because of the debt I have amast. My daughter tells me no to give up, so I want, because it was not until recently, I realize that my daughter is my immediate family and if something happened to me, she would not have anyone. I mean that she would have extended family, but it want be the same for her. I'm all she has. Everyday, no matter what I have, she is always happy to come home with me. True love. You see, I can't afford daycare and I know that my mother will take care of my daughter but I also know that my mother's nerves are shot right now and that she is not able to see after her. I tell my mother that if I was able that I will take care of my own daughter because I love her that much. You talk about stress. Now it would take a miracle to get me out of the funk that I've been living in as far as my finances because for the last 8 years at the beginning of every year, I get to have even more medical bills to my portfolio of bills which is added to my debt. I can't see my way out of it. I don't know what to do except Pray. I'm sorry for venting so much about my problems, but right now, I do feel better. I'm grateful, that I'm alive and still able to work, and provide the best that I can for my daughter, and she is grateful also, because she only wants to be with me. I want to be debt free, stress free, spirtual free, and whole again. Something that I didn't say is that my skin is changing so. I took my make-up off and my daughter asked me why my face was turning black. I told her the truth of course. I told her that the disease I have affects every part of my body and that my face just happen to be one of the areas. I tell her not to worry, but I know that she does. I showed her a picture of me many years ago without the darking on my face, and she hugged me and told me that she wanted to be a doctor to so that she can heal me. You see, how can you not want to do what you can to be there for her. There is so many pressures on me that I know that I can't do it alone. My house is leaking, the foundation is shifting because I'm in a flood area, I have no savings as it has been exhausted, I can barely pay my bills, my mortgage is almost my entire paycheck as well as my car note which have been refinanced several times. I'm tire of having to refiance as I see myself getting further and further in debt. My house have been rob, my car as been broken into, my car insurance have sky rocket because of accidents which I was not even responsible for. The only good thing that has come from all of my problems is my daughter. I love her so much. I'm trying to teach her how to be humble about the things that she has and the things that she don't have. I continue to enstill in her good family values which places God at the head of both of our lives. I don't know what to do anymore. I see myself doubting that I deserve anything. My daughter assures me that I do deserve it. What is so troublesome about this is that I suppose to be the one comforting her not the other way around. Don't nobody know how I feel, except for God and now you. My doctor name is Dr. Michael Baumann, Pulmonary Specialist, who works at The University Hospital and Clinics. He telephone number is (601) 984-5650. Now I don't know how long I have as my doctor is wanting me to consider having a Lung transplant which he says is the only real cure for my disease. But after researching, I found that my life expectancy will only be for 5 years. I got to believe that my God still performs miracles. So please, if you can help me, will you. I'm praying for any individuals, foundations, and other help aid groups will assist me. Call me from time to time to say Hello or just to ask how I'm doing. Even my clients don't believe that nothing is wrong with me. They say that I'm strong and that I'm in the right field as I fight for the abuse and neglected children and that they should be grateful that I'm who I am. You see for the last 15 years of my life, I help families locate resources to help them out, now I'm in the same boat, and you know what, there are no resources available for single working women who are in debt. How ironic is that. I feel like I'm begging which is obvious the my clients feel when they come into my office for help. I 've always tried to help them no matter what because I've told them for so many years that it takes a brave and strong individual to come through the department of human services doors to ask for help, and I'm still proud today, because I never made them beg or plea. I told them and still tell them that it was not my money and that this is what the money is suppose to be used for. Now, I'm asking for help. So if you could help me locate $125,000.00 to pay off my current debt and any extra money to offset future debts, I would be grateful. I thank you for listening to me vent on and on about my life. I love helping others and now I need help for myself and my child. I provided my doctor's number so that you can call him yourself if you want to. I have nothing to hide. I have nothing to gain for lying. Thank you so very much.
